Conflicted

The suffering's long gone,
they say I'm now changed.
I'm happier, I smile more,
is everything really alright?

I sealed a smile on my face,
talked some more, elated,
I listened, I laughed, I tried,
to forget I was never okay.

Sometimes I tend to want
for time to stand all so still,
patiently wait so I can heal
In all the hours I lost myself.

It always pains to recall,
time I never gave myself,
to accept, to really realise
it’s alright not to be okay.

On days no short of dread,
conflicted, but I moved on.
Maybe I trust my way of life,
even when I'm hurt and down.

I’ll still be grateful for I saw
true colors reality left behind.
And I wont protest if you say
It all was really meant to be.